Mom in Beta Mode

Let’s get one thing straight: balance is a lie . A big, fat, glittery lie sold to us by social media Goddesses who probably have a team of nannies, personal chefs, or a magic wand straight out of Harry Potter. I used to think balance was something I could achieve if I just tried hard enough. If I color-coded my calendar, broke through the glass ceiling, meal-prepped like a Pinterest mom, and mastered the art of saying “no” without feeling guilty - then, and only then, would I have achieved the level of perfection I was striving for. Spoiler alert: none of that worked . Instead, I became a walking, talking dumpster fire fueled by caffeine and the occasional existential crisis. The truth is, balance is a myth because life isn’t a perfectly curated Instagram grid. It’s a chaotic, messy, and often ridiculous series of events that don’t care about your carefully crafted to-do list. After days filled with juggling work, kids, marriage, deciding what to cook for dinner, and trying to keep...

Today, I sat in yet another meeting where I felt like a ghost. My ideas were barely acknowledged, my presence felt like a footnote in a document no one bothers to read. As I stared at my screen, I realized something: I’ve spent 18 years climbing a ladder to a place I’m not even sure I want to be anymore. And now that I’m here, I don’t recognize the view—or myself. I’m burnt out, but not the “I need a spa day” kind of burnt out. This is the “I’m a hollow shell of a human being” kind of burnt out. The kind that makes you question every life choice that led you to this exact moment. How did I get here?  How did I become the ringmaster of this circus, fighting for scraps of recognition while perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop—only to discover it’s a steel-toed boot laced with disappointment, aimed squarely at my head? The truth is, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to feel this way. It happened slowly, over time, until the reality of where I am literally smacked me i...

Hi, I’m Crystal —a 43-year-old wife, mom of three (yes, my kids are 21, 15, and 2—talk about a wild age spread!), and a product manager navigating the fast-paced, ever-changing world of big tech. On paper, I’ve got it all together. But in reality? I’m a work-in-progress, constantly iterating on my life, prioritizing the backlog, and hoping the next release will finally bring balance (or at least fewer bugs). Life feels like it’s on autopilot most days—juggling  meetings that could (and should!) have been emails, diaper changes, teenage drama, and the occasional existential crisis that comes along with having a 21 year old in nursing school. I’m burnt out, a little lost, and wondering how I got here. But here’s the thing: I’m not giving up. Instead, I’m embracing the mess, the chaos, and the beautiful imperfections of this season. This blog is my journey to hit  pause  and start living with intention. It’s about finding myself again—somewhere between sprint planning and be...